His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
