cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You can't motorboat a personality
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm at about main and main street
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
This is classic penis vs brain.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Randomize
