Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
