and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
