I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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