The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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