Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
