Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I will pee on everything he values.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize