so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
