Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
