the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
