Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
