I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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