After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
