worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just want nice things and good sex
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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