five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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