dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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