Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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