I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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