Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize