I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
