Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
