I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
