Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
