I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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