Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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