Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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