and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
