She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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