ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
high people should be assigned attendants
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
