I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
