Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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