I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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