No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
