i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
