he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
