My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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