you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
