when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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