whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
