Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
