I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Come share oat with me in your robe
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
