hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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