before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
