Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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