i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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