I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
