I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
God, I missed his penis.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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