We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
