she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
