Just fell off a train. Bad.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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