I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
