plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i dont even know how to be here
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Randomize
