I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
only you would photoshop your dick
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
