He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
