you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
