Im at strip club and am horny
I haven't been this sober since birth.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
