Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
