I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
