In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I could fuck to npr.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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