I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
