woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
