she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
