As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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