Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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