I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
