well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
