I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize