2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
