I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
