I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
