I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
