I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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