well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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