3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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