Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
