Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize