About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
