So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize