I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
