the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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