Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
