We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize