i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
