I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
