I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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