You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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