Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
