Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize