hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
