porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Randomize