Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
