I think I am morally bankrupt
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
