I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I love having hate sex.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Oh god it's open bar.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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