my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
