I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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